15 Funniest Tinder Profiles Anyone’s Ever Come Across
Online dating…the venue that people meet each other for romance, friendships, or other activities that I just cannot mention without them being censored. But in order to light that spark of fiery romance, you need Tinder… OK if that wasn’t a lame joke, I don’t think you should continue reading, because the rest of the article will be EXACTLY like this.
So your typical Tinder profile is a normal, very simple, and very boring profile, and even for ladies that might not get you much success. The need to make yourself stand out from the crowd becomes very, very real. Sometimes the results are awesome and you get a lot of right swipes… sometimes the results are lame and they elicit chuckles from the people you’re trying to reach… and sometimes they’re just not effective and you might as well have kept the ‘Hi, my name is (insert name here) and I like girls/guys’ as you did by default.
But there are instances in which they don’t just fail… they fail in ways so spectacular that you wonder just what the people were on when they came up with these ideas, and then you swipe right so you can ask them what they were on and how you can get some. These bizarre Tinder profiles are so strange that it really makes you wonder whether or not they were created as serious attempts to attract people, or whether or not they were just pranks made by the very bored and very creative.
So brace yourselves as we look into the top 15 most bizarre tinder fails of all time.
15. Girls gone…bananas!
So you’re a fun, party girl, and you want the boys to know you’re a fun girl to be around. You could say that you want them to know that you are totally bananas! And the best way to do that is… well… apparently to dress up as a banana and eat a banana while lying down in a bathtub because… I don’t know. How do you explain this? Just what was this girl thinking? Even her ‘About’ section had SHAKIRA SHAKIRA in it as her only description, which would mean that she is a fan of Shakira. That’s cool, I have been a fan of Shakira ever since 2001, but I can tell you right now that it is going to take more than that for me to swipe right…
So right off the bat, you look at her and think ‘this is a Halloween photo, right’? I mean she’s smiling, the spray paint make up, and the horns look Halloweeny enough… but then her description reads like something out of a cheap horror novel. Not only is she a hermit, and doesn’t like being about people, but when she DOES hang around people, she takes delight in making people miserable… and then describes her house as a dark, dank, and empty place, like her soul.
Umm… Sorry Melissa, but I think we’ll have to swipe left. Unlike the banana girl, this doesn’t even spark interest in the mental state that caused her to go to the bathroom in a costume to eat her costume equivalent of food.
13. A sandwich eaten awkwardly amid…something
So you know there are a bunch of memes online that take old, awkward photographs that people took of themselves in the 1980s or so that have been turned into funny memes at the expense of the people in those photos? Well, apparently this girl looked through them and said ‘that’s a great idea for a Tinder profile!’ and then she picked out the most awkward photo of herself eating a sandwich and placed it on a nondescript background that makes me think of nuclear explosions and atomic horror… I understand she might be a bombshell, but this profile is not ‘Da bomb’; it is a bomb. Please run away very, very fast…
12. He isn’t going to date…
First of all, I can’t tell if this photo is actually him or it’s a funny photo for his father or grandfather back in the ’70s. It has that vibe to it, and like the photo above of the sandwich eating girl, I wonder just what this guy was thinking when he turned what is clearly a cheesy old picture turned meme into something that girls will likely laugh so hard at… and then swipe left. Of course, if he and the other girl with the bomb sandwich picture do meet, they would be the perfect couple! So maybe there is hope after all.
11. … or else she goes away, I guess?
I was about to make a Silence of the Lambs joke, but the guy already did one with his ‘It puts the lotion in the basket’ quote. The guy looks like every Hollywood serial killer stereotype rolled into one, and he even makes it worse by giving Charles Manson a run for his money. he has glued dead butterflies to his fingers to make the Silence of the Lambs reference even more obvious and even more brazen. This guy is probably rather quick with women… quick to dump them… in shallow graves. And on dinner dates, his jokes about having her for dessert are probably a little too literal… avoid at all costs.
10. No… just no… please no!
Remember the rule on topless photos? And the subsequent rule about no bottomless pictures to show off jacked legs? This person doesn’t just break them, he breaks them in a way that just makes no sense whatsoever. I understand he’s probably trying to impress the ladies with his scrawny physique that somehow has the ability to hold up a rather heavy weight with one very specific body part that he believes will drive the ladies crazy. But it will only drive the ladies away while screaming crazily. Let’s just say that we can say that wild pictures are cool, but only so long as they are not… well, this…
9. I’m sorry but… what in the…
Face swapping apps are cool, but they also have a level of creepiness that simply cannot be shaken off… like having ET in your picture hugging you as though he is your mother, especially with that stare… the eyes! OMG! The eyes are stealing my soul! Either way, this 22-year-old referencing a 1982 movie should have been charming, but it only served to charm the ladies away…
His job as a designer by day, cartoonist by night, should have given him the skills to design a better picture, but instead he designed something that almost guaranteed that he will not date anyone.
8. Even nerds turn their noses up at this
So there are a lot of nerds out there. Lots of nerdy girls, too, and while a well-made cosplay can attract them to your side really well… this is just not it. I mean the quality of of cosplay that this dude is trying to pull is not even as good as the bedsheet ghost that some kids pull when they’re 7 years old. Even the biggest neckbeards on earth who can quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Dragon Ball Z and One Piece by heart and can’t remember what sunlight feels like on their skin would still look down at this level of awfulness.
That’s just the nerdy girls, but what about the non-nerdy ones who look at this? They will likely think that he is… well, to all the non-nerdy girls reading this, what DO you think?
7. There is honesty, and then there’s this…
So there’s a guy with a rather harsh look on his face and seems like he is telling the viewer to run away as fast as possible (to make it more fun for him). That alone would make it difficult for the ladies to swipe right… but what really steals the entire show is his description. He outright says ‘no ugly girls’ and he is interested entirely in the physical aspect of dating. Now that’s just rude and crude and it makes me wonder just how he thinks that this will attract anyone. I’m sure he must have been catfished more than once to trick him for lolz and giggles.
6. Hot dog! I’m a vegetarian now!
Alright, from the morning, woke-up-under-a-table, alcoholic eyes, and the unlit, dangling cigarette that only add to the dangerous look on his gaunt face. The only way this could portray the look of a thug any more is adding a machine gun instead of… whatever drink he’s carrying.
But the intimidating appearance that he had is completely destroyed by the hotdog costume. And maybe even with the drink pack he’s carrying with him. It is like he’s trying to present himself as food and carrying his own beverages. But I have a feeling that he is not going to get a taste of any success with the ladies soon. In fact, I don’t know if I want to touch a hot dog after seeing this…
5. Meee… ouch!
OK, so you have a man who is lying in bed with another man (friend, brother, or lover? Tinder is for all sexual orientations) doing some rather ridiculous feline hissing impressions like he’s a very ‘catty’ person who simply… well… I have no idea what to put here, really. The guy’s photo is weird and awkward, and the description is even stranger ‘I have 5 Myspace friends and I am waiting for approval on a 6th’. There is a major league problem with this: by the time Tinder came to exist, Myspace was dead… deader than a nail slammed in a coffin. And this is what he wants the world to know about him? That he is a weird dude who is catty and sticks with an ancient social media platform that has been dead for years? Right…
4. What was he THINKING?!
I’m not even going to make any real comment on this… Remember the previous photo of the guy making the Silence of the Lambs reference? Well at least he has some plausible deniability that he can fall back on (‘It’s just a joke, bro’) and people kind of fall for it, because they have no evidence that you are an actual serial killer or something that evil.
But this guy? His photo of himself is in the reflection of his very large chef’s knife and he has a rather sadistic grin on it, with his description that reads, ‘A licky boom boom down’ is even less coherent than anything we’ve seen so far. So if he says he’s coming over, kindly load up the shotgun and call the police, please.
3. Even Dark Lords can be superbly awkward
So it has been a hard day on the Star Destroyer and you just want to relax. So you get into your comfy clothes and get a nice cup of cocoa. But even a Dark Lord of the Sith gets lonely, and being surrounded by nothing but faceless stormtroopers and terrified officers. So without immediate dating prospects, you decide to use the space Internet to find Tinder to light your fire… and for all the fear you spread throughout the galaxy, you could not get anything other than laughter at your awkwardness in your bathrobe and stirring your Yoda mug and wondering if blowing up Alderaan was a good idea.
Because, it seems chicks dig the uniform. When he’s out of the uniform, even Darth Vader looks like a doofus with just his helmet.
2. Gives a whole new meaning to cat lady
OK, there are cat ladies, and then there are cat ladies… and then there’s this. I understand that she wants to sound funny and has an affinity towards noble domestic felines. But this Photoshop does nothing to add to the charm factor and does everything to make people wonder just how many cats you have in your home. And whether or not it is Photoshop or you’ve actually skinned them all alive and made one giant catsuit out of their fur. And a recovering catnip addict? You realize that catnip is like marijuana to humans. It’s difficult to really get addicted to… and I would have to say no to your dislike of tuna. I love tuna; tuna is the most perfect fish.
1. If you think topless pictures are bad…
OK, so there’s one kind of picture that you shouldn’t be using as your profile, and that’s topless pictures. It’s just a fact. I’m sorry… it doesn’t matter even if you’re a ripped, muscular guy with 6% body fat that has abs that make any fitness star want to hit the gym for another 5 hours. It just isn’t done. But what is even worse than that is what this man was thinking.
I mean, look at that. He must have thought ‘I will show them what they are missing.’ Sure women may be just as visual as men but sometimes a nice picture with a friendly smile will do! Yes, we commend this man for the discipline it must have taken to get his body in shape but come on…think outside the box. Another shirtless picture of a muscled man? Boring.
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