15 Relationship Issues Gay Couples Have (That Straight Couples Don’t Understand)
Several countries continue to battle against gender inequality and discrimination, especially those in the LGBT community. Keep in mind that all human beings have a common right – to love and be loved. No matter what color, religion, or preference, we can love and be loved. Nobody has the right to take that away from us because we control our own lives. This leads to the common saying – #LoveWins. Without a doubt, love knows no boundaries. It is strong enough to fight against all odds. It is also a spell that we cannot easily break once it is cast upon us. It’s a necessity to live.
But, love is not always filled with bliss and contentment. It is not always fun and games. The both of you will be put to the test whether it involves acceptance, trust, or understanding. Just like straight couples, gay couples face problems, too. These gay couples also have issues that simply cannot be ignored, some of which are uncommon to straight people as well. Although most couples face similar problems and bumps in their relationship, there are a few issues that are particularly unique to gay couples.
15. Intimacy in a public space
Being intimate among gay couples is a lot harder than straight couples. When two men hold hands in public as an expression of their love, it is either frowned upon or mocked. This is not the case for straight couples because they can even hug or kiss each other goodbye in public without any judgment.
Most gay couples are restricted to show intimacy in their own time or are forced to be as subtle as possible. Sadly, there are even countries that intimacy among gay couples can lead to imprisonment and other more grave punishment. Hence, most of these couples just choose to live their sad lives in the closet.
14. Being Open with others
“Should we tell them about us?” Often, other people already label their relationship. They assume that the lovebirds only possess a close friendship or a sibling-like bond. That can be problematic, especially when some people try to flirt with one person in the relationship. So, they always ask each other whether they should be open or not.
The problem is the other person might not be ready to admit his or her sexual interests whereas his or her partner is more than ready to shout to the world the feelings that they found. This issue can lead to a serious argument.
13. Unfair Treatment is still a major problem
Following the issue of being open, there comes the reality of being unfair. For instance, he or she already said that they are a couple, but the other is constantly denying their relationship out of fear of other people’s judgment, especially his or her family. Or, worse, the other is stating that they are just friends to flirt with others. When one half is too loyal, the other could be cheating on him or her. Though, never live life in fear of what others might say. As long as the both of you are happy with the decision you made, be proud. Have pride in what you do.
12. Jealousy is normal but not when rooted in insecurities
When jealousy strikes a gay couple, there is a huge tendency that they become more insecure. Why are they more insecure? They have low self-esteem, especially when they know others can give their loved one something that they cannot give. They might be threatened because of the positions that other people have.
Also, one of the common problems is that they can be jealous of all genders. Whether the person their partner is interacting with is a man, woman, gay, lesbian, or bisexual, it still boils down to the fact that they love their partner too much that they do not want to be replaced. Though, all you need is trust. And yes, of course jealousy runs in all relationships. But there is something to say about relationships where one or both partners are attracted to both genders. In other words, the competition just doubled.
11. Gender Roles are not easy to define
“Who is the man in the relationship?” or “Who is the woman in the relationship?” There is always a conflict between who is or who is not, but as other people say, there can only be one role for each person. So, how do gay couples settle it when they want to play the same role?
For instance, who should work to sustain their wants and needs? Or who should stay at home and watch over their house or future family? Well, one way to practice equality is by having the roles alternately. Though, you can always break away from the norm and fulfill your desires. If the both of you want to work to save faster, go ahead. It’s still your choice.
10. Physical Appearance is a major focus
Even if you are together, there can still be traces of insecurity when it comes to physical appearances. One can be more handsome or muscular than the other. A partner can be more beautiful or sexier than the other. This can cause competition between the two, which is not healthy for the relationship. There could be thoughts like not being enough for his or her lover. Plus, other people would constantly compare both of them. They might say hurtful things, such as they should not have been gay, or the partner is lucky to have a handsome or beautiful person as a lover. It should not be like that. We all must respect their relationship.
9. Income inequality and problems
The way to a person’s true identity is when he/she has a lot of money or when he/she is broke. You can get to know him or her in a situation like that. Now, when two people live together, they are bound to have their responsibilities. Even if they both have their jobs, one will always have a higher salary than the other. The amount of money they contribute to the household can also signify the importance of the person. The individual’s income will provide the necessities of the family. So, if you do not have a high-paying job, problems might occur.
8. Who wears the pants in the relationship?
In every gay relationship, there is always a dominant party, even if it is not obvious. If a person claims dominance, the other must be submissive. The dominant one will always lead the way. He or she will decide for the betterment of their bond. The submissive individual will just follow his or her orders. He or she will not even have a say in the decision.
Though, it also involves pride. Not everyone will allow other people to take over them, especially when they think highly of themselves. Hence, there are indistinguishable rules that each gay couple has. For one, there should be an equal say between the two parties.
7. Standards exist but sometimes there aren’t a lot of options
One of the famous misconceptions of other people that exasperates gay relationships is that they fell in love because they had no other choice. No, that is not the case. Just because a person is male does not mean a gay individual will like him at once. This goes the same for lesbians. Just because a person is female does not mean she will fall for her immediately. In fact, there is an infinite number of choices, but they chose one another. Who knows? It might be because of the person’s charm, sweet efforts, or gentle personality. Gay people have standards, too. Let us not be so quick to judge.
6. Societal Influences Is Hard To Ignore
Here is another competition to look out for – social influence. Let’s face it. Not everyone is social. Sometimes, we just prefer a small group over a huge crowd because we can be ourselves with them. We are comfortable in that kind of setting. In other words, we choose quality over quantity. Though, not everyone is like that. Others favor many people in their lives, so they like social gatherings. Hence, when two people come together and become one, there might be clashing beliefs. It is setting a bar for a person’s power over a group of people, which can be disturbing, especially when you just want him or her for yourself.
5. Mutual Feelings
Why do people approve of gay relationships? To find love? To try it? To escape from other responsibilities? To know what it feels like? To feel less pain?
The long list carries on, but before you enter this kind of relationship, make sure that the both of you are ready to face the challenges. Do not say yes to something that you are not even sure of because you will only be hurt in the process. Make sure he or she will not use you. Before it even begins, do not attach yourself too much, especially when you know he or she is not serious with you, when he or she just wants a pastime.
4. Past, Present, and Future
Being stuck in the past that you forget to live in the moment can be an issue in a gay couple. Though, focusing on the present too much that you do not prepare for the future can also be a problem. Some say that one of the reasons a person enters a gay relationship is he or she just wants to live for the moment. For instance, he or she is still not allowed to be with the opposite sex because of personal issues, but he or she wants to experience love already, so he or she experiments with the same sex.
However, some people take things seriously and they want you to be their future. Thus, if you are not on the same page, let it go.
3. Support Issues
For a relationship to last longer, a couple needs support from their family, loved ones, and friends. The more, the better. If the gay couple’s family members do not approve of their relationship, they will carry a cross for the rest of their lives. They will be happy with each other, but there will still be a hole in the heart. Even if their friends support them, the support of a family is still different. Plus, their family has a say in what is best for them, so the couple should ask for their blessing first. They should make them understand the situation.
2. Being Straight Again
There comes a point in life when you just want a break from all the frustration, negative comments, and ache. They say it is a matter of choice but is it really?
Perhaps, he has gotten tired of the criticisms he is receiving from others. Maybe, she just wants to have kids with the guy she loves. Or, he or she just wants his or her personal time. Now, being straight again means letting go of a huge part of you. This means you need to let go of your partner as well. After going through everything together, the question is – are you ready for the big leap?
1. Having Kids
Parenting is a great challenge for a gay couple. Before the usual questions of having two fathers or two mothers when the kids grow up, what would be the best option to establish a family? Adoption? Surrogate? Third party? If they were to adopt, how would they respond when the child grows up and asks for his or her real parents? If they were to consider surrogating, would it be costly and less risky? If they chose a third party in the relationship, would there be space for loyalty left? Then, there is the issue of not being ready to raise kids.
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